You’re in the shower. Things are getting wet and steamy. All of a sudden, you realize:
“Hey, that’s my penis-or-vagina down there! It looks really lonely. I better show it some love.”
Next thing you know, the saxophone music in your head starts playing and you’re going to pound town.
But what could make this self-love sesh even better? How about a bit of slick and sultry lubrication. Hot + wet + slippery = masturbation bliss.
So, you reach for the nearest pump of soap or shampoo and—
FACT: If you try to masturbate with soap, 90s Samuel L Jackson WILL burst through your bathroom door, striking you down with a great vengeance and furious anger.
And that’s not the only reason not to masturbate with soap. Giving yourself the rub-a-dub-dub with soap can cause pain, chafing, and possibly even an infection.
The bottom line? Always use a sexual lubricant to make things slicker during masturbation. NOT SOAP.
We’ll give you the details below and recommend some of our favorite lubricants for masturbating in the shower (or anywhere else).
Masturbating with Soap Sucks. Here’s a Better Way
Soap is not made for masturbation. That’s why it doesn’t feel very good and may cause a lot of problems for your naughty bits.
Luckily, there is a magical material that’s made specifically to get you off and keep you comfy and safe while doing it. We’re talking about Personal Lubricant (aka Sex Lube).
Lube is not a kink or a sex toy. It’s an essential part of both masturbation and sex. If you don’t use it, you’re putting yourself at risk. Plus, you’re missing out on better masturbation!
If you're planning to have sex in the shower, be sure to use a lube for shower sex.
What Kind of Lube Should I Use for Masturbation?
Start with water-based lube for masturbation. This is the gold standard of lube. It’s totally safe, and you can use it for every type of sex and masturbation—in the shower, on the sofa, in front of the computer, tucked into your bedsheets—it’s non-staining, odor-free, and super wet and slick.
If you want to try something different, there are many special lubes made just for masturbation. Each one has its own unique feel and signature glide.
Here are a few of our favorites to get you started:
Trojan H2O Sensitive Touch with Aloe Lubricant | 5.5oz
$10.99
$12.99
Trojan H2O Sensitive Touch Lubricant Nourish your skin while enjoying a slicker, smoother glide. Trojan Lubricants' H20 Sensitive Touch is a gentle lube that enhances all types of sex without drying out sensitive skin; it's formulated with vitamin E and… Read More
GUN OIL 'H2O' Water-Based Lubricant
$14.99
$15.95
Gun Oil H2O Lubricant Looking for a water-based lubricant that goes the extra mile? Reach for the GUN OIL.GUN OIL products are formulated to last for a long time, and this water-based lube is no different. Condomaniacs LOVE GUN OIL H2O… Read More
SPUNK Hybrid Lubricant
$8.99
$10.99
SPUNK Lube Hybrid SPUNK Lube Hybrid is a water-based silicone lubricant that resembles the look and feel of natural body lubrication (ie: cum). It lets you feel the sensation of skin-to-skin contact. Why we LOVE SPUNK Hybrid SPUNK Lube… Read More
Wet Original Gel Water-Based Lubricant
$5.99
$7.99
Wet Original Gel Personal Lubricant If you’re looking for a little something to whet your appetite while you get down and dirty, Wet Original is the perfect slick pick! This long-lasting lube is thick, smooth, and - because it is… Read More
Sliquid H2O Water-Based Lubricant
$10.99
$11.99
Sliquid H2O: The Premier Water-Based Lube Looking for a lubricant that's long-lasting and safe for your body? Look no further than Sliquid H2O Water-Based Lubricant. This adult lubricant is formulated with purified water and plant cellulose to provide a natural,… Read More
Why You Should NEVER Masturbate with Soap
1. It Burns…
Masturbating with soap feels good for about 5 seconds... until those suds contact your urethra. Then, your junk will burn worse than a California wildfire.
It’s shocking how painful this can be, and it lasts for minutes (though it seems like days). It makes more sense when you find out why.
Putting soap in your eyes causes a pretty rough burning sensation. You have the same mucus membranes in your eyes as you do in the opening of your penis. So, you’ll experience a similar burning sensation in both places when soap gets inside. Ouch.
For those with vaginas, putting soup around the urethra can result in the same burning and irritation.
2. Raw and Crusty Skin
The skin on your private parts is not the same as the skin on the rest of your body. It’s thinner and more sensitive to the chemicals and abrasive ingredients in soap.
This means that it might feel good to masturbate with soap during the act, but afterward, you may notice red spots on your johnson or painful sensitivity.
Repeatedly using soap to masturbate can also cause your skin to dry out and crack. This is when things get really ugly.
Your penis can start to flake and develop a crusty look that will probably make you want to scream...and just imagine what a partner would think when unsheathing your dehydrated dong.
Rubbing soap on delicate vaginal tissue may also cause abrasions that lead to small tears. This can be painful and increase the likelihood of getting an infection.
3. It Won’t Last as Long as You Do
Soap isn’t meant to stay slick and sticky for very long. After about 20 seconds of lathering, you’re clean and ready to rinse. If you try to go much longer, your soap will lose its gooey feeling and get thick and cruddy.
Then, it’ll stop being slick altogether. You can either choose to keep rockin’ it dry, or reapply more soap…and more… and then more.
You’ll probably need to apply five or six times to get the job done, and more than that if you’re in the shower and the water keeps rinsing it off. This is bad news for a bunch of reasons:
- It increases your chances of chafing, cracking, burning, irritation, etc.
- It requires you to stop often, ruining the mood
- It wastes tons of soap and money.
- It destroys the environment and kills baby penguins
Ok, the baby penguin thing might be a stretch. But this isn’t: using a water-based lube or an organic lube feels much better than masturbating with soap and guarantees a more sustainable wank.
The penguins will thank you.
4. Chafe City
Chafing is just about the worst feeling a guy can get on his meat. It’s caused by tearing up the skin cheese-grater style during masturbation, and it results in bleeding, burning, flaking, and general discomfort.
The worst part is that it lasts for days, and during that time it’s super painful to masturbate or even get an erection.
If you hadn’t guessed it, soap can cause chafing. This is especially true if you have marathon masturbation sessions or masturbate with soap regularly. Or, if you use soap to lube up something like a sock or another abrasive material.
And it gets worse. You actually need to wash your dick carefully with soap after chafing to prevent bacteria from getting into the small cuts and tears. This causes more burning but may also make you hard, which causes even more pain.
If you didn’t have a definition for “irony,” now you do.
5. Infection: Masturbation Endgame
Masturbating with soap can cause a lot of inconvenient consequences, but it can also make you sick.
If you get soap inside your urethra, it can lead to infection in men and women. The most common is called urethritis, and symptoms include painful urination, swelling, pus, and constant irritation. And this lasts for days.
Not to mention, there’s no hope of masturbating or having sex while symptoms persist. It’s just too painful. If your symptoms last longer than 3 days, you’ll need to see a doctor too.
Urethritis isn’t the only infection you can contract by masturbating with soap. Those with vaginas can upset their pH levels, leading to a plethora of potential problems, such as bacterial vaginosis or yeast infection.
All of this because you masturbated with soap! Isn’t it worth spending a couple bucks on lube?
Wait... are you masturbating in the shower?
Well, my friend, you need to try the famous Tenga Spinner. It's a penis stroker toy. Just put a dab of lube on it and go to town. Seriously, this thing is going to be a fixture in your shower.
TENGA Spinner Penis Stroker | 'Tetra' 01
$25.99
Tenga Spinner "Tetra" Reuseable Spiral-Motion Male Masturbator If you're looking for your new best friend, look no further than the Tenga Spinner "Tetra" Male Masturbator. The inside of the Tetra Masturbator is uniquely fitted with geometric tiles and mild edges for a… Read More |
TENGA Spinner Penis Stroker | 'Shell' 03
$25.99
Tenga Spinner "Shell" Reuseable Spiral-Motion Male Masturbator If you're looking for your new best friend, look no further than the Tenga Spinner "Shell" Male Masturbator. The inside of the Shell Masturbator is uniquely fitted with tanned tiles and firm edges for a unique masturbation experience. Amazing… Read More |
Just remember: Don't use the damn soap to masturbate!
Wrapping it up
If you want to learn more about the world of sexual lubricants, check out our ultimate guide to lube here. We cover all different types of lube and how to make every masturbation session safer and sexier.
When you’re ready to drop the soap and start masturbating better, buy lube at Condomania. It’s America’s FIRST (and favorite) place for all things lube, condoms, and a whole lot more.