Let's set the scene: You’re with a potential partner, and the chemistry is fire. All you’ve got to do before making a move is get the "all-clear" by asking for consent.
For a lot of people, that’s where things get tricky.
You might feel awkward about putting your deepest desires into words, and you may worry that it could kill the mood.
That’s ok! Asking for consent is a big move, especially if you’re sharing a kink or you’ve already started foreplay.
But asking for consent is a lot easier than it seems. If you learn to ask for consent in a sexy and confident way, it can also be a huge turn-on for your partner.
But what do you say when that big moment arrives?
We’ve got you covered with 50 confident and sexy ways to ask for consent in any situation.
Whether you’re moving in for a first kiss or you want to know if your partner is down to try butt stuff, you’ll find a consent request that pegs your hole (maybe literally).
Later, we’ll explain how you definitely SHOULDN’T ask for consent, and we’ll give you some tips on when is the best time to pop the question.
50 Ways to Ask for Consent
1. "Can I kiss you there?"
2. "Are you okay if I move my hand here?"
3. "Is this pace okay for you?"
4. "Can I continue?"
5. "Are you comfortable with me doing this?"
6. "Would you like to try anal/doggy style/using a vibrator/etc.?"
7. "How do you want me to do it?"
8. "Is it okay if I touch you here?"
9. "Are you comfortable with what we're doing?"
10. "Can we try something new together? How about light bondage/rimming/etc.?”
11. "Do you want to have sex?"
12. "Are you okay with me touching you like this?"
13. "Would you like me to go further?"
14. "How would you feel about getting undressed?"
15. "Can I give you a massage?"
16. "Is it ok if I take off your clothes?"
17. "Do you want me to get a condom?"
18. "Can I go down on you?”
19. "Would you like to take control?"
20. "Would you like to keep going or take a break?"
21. "Do you want to get on top?"
22. "Can you give me oral?"
23. "Are you ready to have sex?"
24. "Would you like me to keep going?"
25. "Is there anything you'd like us to do together?"
26. "Can I take off your panties/underwear?"
27. "Are you enjoying this?"
28. "Is it okay if I move closer?"
29. "Can I put my arm around you?"
30. "Can I unzip your pants/take off your bra?"
31. "I’ve always wanted to try using a blindfold/free use/etc. Would you be into that?”
32. "Can I use my fingers/mouth there?"
33. "Is it ok if I enter/penetrate you?"
34. "Do you like it rough?"
35. "Would you like to change positions?"
36. "Do you want to continue, or should we slow down?"
37. "What turns you on? Can we try it?”
38. "How do you like to be touched?"
39. "Can I get on top of you?"
40. "Can I put my finger inside?"
41. "Do you have time for a quickie?"
42. "Can I kiss you in other places?"
43. "Can I do it harder?"
44. "Do you want to try using a sex toy?"
45."Have you ever fantasized about using a dildo/domination/etc.?"
46. "Can I spank you harder?"
47. "Can I take you from behind?"
48. "Would you like to try something you've never done before?"
49. "Can I taste it?"
50. "Are you as turned on as I am?"
There you have it. These 50 ways to ask for consent should leave you with plenty of options, no matter what kinky activity you want to try.
If some of them seem a bit basic, that’s ok. Asking for consent doesn’t have to be a Shakespearean soliloquy—just the opposite, in fact.
The best way to ask for consent is to make a clear, direct request. And it’s just as important to get a clear answer too.
Once you’ve got the all-clear from your partner, you can put those words away and let your tongue get down to the real business at hand.
How Not to Ask for Consent
Asking for consent is SUPER easy. But so many people F*CK it up. Don’t be one of those people.
The worst way to ask for consent is to say nothing. Sure, it might feel like instinct to read your partner and make a move, but this is not a healthy way to engage in sex.
It might lead to someone engaging in an activity when they don’t want to.
Plus, it’s no fun to second-guess yourself in your head, wondering if your partner is into you or not. That’s a real confidence killer.
So, always use your words and ask for consent.
But that’s just the bare minimum. You also need to be direct and clear when asking for consent. Don’t be vague or waffle around the topic.
For example, don’t phrase your consent request in the form of a doge meme.
Getting unclear consent is not real consent. Plus, being a vague weirdo is not confident and not at all sexy. Look your partner in the eye and ask them directly for consent. That’s hot.
Finally, ask for consent in a way that doesn’t kill the vibe. Asking your partner, “Can I make sex on you forthwith?” will certainly toss a wet blanket on your hot moment.
Luckily, the 50 ways to ask for consent on the list above are all stellar options.
When You Should Ask for Consent
Asking for consent is not a one-and-done deal. You’ve got to make sure your partner is comfortable with each new step you’re taking into sexual territory.
That means you might need to ask for consent multiple times in one sex session. This is especially true if you’re with a new partner or you’re blazing new trails in the bedroom with an existing partner.
Asking for consent multiple times might seem like a drag. But it’s super important. Think of it like this:
Imagine that you’ve always wanted to meet your idol, the WWE/WWF wrestling legend Randy “Macho Man” Savage.
You get the chance to hang out with him, and he even invites you into the ring for a wrestling demo. You’re absolutely stoked to be there.
Randy then asks if he can grapple with you WWE-style, and you say yes, yes, a thousand times yes.
He then proceeds to grapple with you for about 10 seconds before delivering multiple jabs to your chest and head.
He then throws you into the ropes only to catch you with a gnarly back elbow before finishing you off with an epic atomic drop.
You’ve broken 6 ribs, 2 arms, and 1 spine, but the Macho Man claims he got consent before pummeling the life out of you. You did agree to grapple, right?
This example shows that your partner might be thrilled to meet you, kiss you, and even have sex. But it’s still possible to take things too far if you don’t ask for consent along the way.
You Can Ask for Consent Your Way—Just Do it The Right Way.
The 50 ways to ask for consent on this list are all you need to get the go-ahead from your partner to try new kinks, toys, positions, and more. But if you don’t like them, that’s fine too.
You can ask for consent any way you want as long as you follow a few simple rules:
👉 Be direct and clear about what you’re asking to do. Don’t be vague!
👉 Always get a clear response (yes or no). “Maybe” is not clear consent.
👉 Ask for consent every time you take things a step further or try something new.
That’s about it. Pretty easy, right?
The best thing about asking for consent is that it lets you toss all of your anxieties out the window and really enjoy sex.
When you’re clear about what you both want, you’re free to enjoy each other and grow together.
Looking for more ways to try new things in the bedroom? Check out our guide on how to introduce sex toys into your relationship.