Preparing for Anal Sex
Anal sex is a little bit like spelunking. It takes practice, there are a lot of safety protocols to be aware of, and it’s far better to descend slowly than quickly.
It’s also pleasurable and exciting.
But as a first-time butt spelunker, you don’t want to dive head-first into that hole and hope for the best. That’s a good way to hurt yourself or your partner.
Learning how to prepare for anal sex ensures that it’s not only safe but also pleasurable. A lack of prep can lead to injury, STI transmission, and sad faces all around.
So, what can you to do make sure your anal sex is amazing? Follow the steps below to find out. And don’t forget your headlamp.
Quick Guide to Anal Sex Prep
If your pants are already around your ankles, these basic anal sex prep tips will help you keep your back door on its hinges.
👉 Communication is key before, during, and after anal. If you’re bottoming, tell your partner how fast or slow to go, if you need more lube, and if you need a break.
👉 Cleanliness prevents infection. Shower before anal play and use wipes to keep clean down there. Never go from ass to mouth or ass to vagina!
👉 Never have anal sex without lube. Lube makes it possible to slide inside, and it prevents tears that can spread disease. Try these sex lubes made for anal!
👉 Foreplay is the key to loosening those backdoor muscles before a sensational tush sesh. Consider fooling around with an anal vibrator or butt plug.
👉 Always use an anal condom if you’re having sex with a casual partner to prevent STI transmission.
👉 Go slowly. Anal feels much better (and it’s safer) when you take it slow—no matter what you’ve seen in porn.
👉 Take care of yourself and your partner post-anal. Soap up your butt, genitals, and hands right away to get rid of any bacteria. Then, have a cuddle and chat about the experience.
If you’re not about to have anal sex in the next few minutes, we recommend you get the full scoop on how to prepare for butt sex by reading on...
How to Prepare for Amazing Anal Sex
Ready to dive into amazing anal sex? Here’s what you need to know first.
Learn the Butt Basics
How well do you know your butt? Have you spent any time playing with it with a finger, a toy, or a partner? Most people assume they know how anal sex works (“It’s just a hole, right?”). But in reality, the butt is a lot different from the mouth or vagina, whether you're giving or receiving it.
It’s worth learning a little about your anatomy to better understand how butt sex works, how to talk about it, and how to stay safe. That way, you’ll understand the sensations you feel during sex, such as “Why do I feel like I need to poop?” and “Am I having an anal orgasm?”
You’ll find all the anal sex basics in our 101 Guide to Anal Sex. If you know the basics already, continue reading to master anal sex prep.
Communicate Before you Penetrate
If you or your partner is a butt-stuff beginner, or if you’re doing anal with a new partner, it’s best to talk about it before you get down to business. This doesn’t have to be a formal meeting with a lawyer present. It can actually be a part of foreplay.
Talk about what you like and ask your partner what they like too. Discuss fantasies, kinks, and sexual needs to better understand how to please each other. But most importantly, let your partner know your boundaries. You may want to tell your partner to go very slowly or not to finish inside you. It’s a good idea to insist on using a condom, too.
Once you’ve agreed on how to proceed, you’re ready to begin your journey down the rabbit hole.
Take Hygiene Seriously
The purpose of your butt is to rid your body of waste. While it’s a lot of fun to have sex in there, it’s also easy to come into contact with harmful bacteria. Yes, we’re talking about poop.
Keeping clean before, during, and after anal sex is key to preventing infection. Here’s how to do it:
Before: Take a shower and scrub down there to make sure everything is sparkling clean. Consider an anal douche to clean the inside of your rectum.
During: Keep wet wipes on hand. A little seepage is common during anal—it's just butts being butts. Wipe down when needed to prevent fecal bacteria from getting inside any urethras or vulvas.
After: Wash your butt, genitals, and hands with soapy water immediately after sex. Better yet, take a shower with your partner.
Regarding poop: As a bottom, avoid foods that might give you diarrhea for a day or two before sex. Try to poop about an hour before sex. If you don't have to poop, don’t worry. You shouldn’t have issues during sex unless a BM feels imminent.
Lube those Cheeks Up
Sex lube is an incredibly important part of amazing and safe anal. Lube makes it easier to slip ‘n slide into your partner, helping you go deeper and feel more sensation. It also makes it comfier for the bottom by reducing friction.
That friction, without lube, can cause tears in the anal opening. This can be painful for the bottom while making it a lot easier to catch an STI. Lube is the line that divides stellar anal and the worst sex ever.
Which lube should you use?
Because butts are not self-lubricating, you need extra slick lube to maintain momentum. We recommend silicone lube or hybrid lube (water + silicone) for anal sex. Silicone is ultra slick and slippery, and it won’t quit on you like water-based lube can.
If you’re with a long-term partner and aren’t using condoms, oil-based lube is also phenomenal (but you can’t use this lube with latex condoms!).
If you prefer water-based lube, choose one that’s made for anal sex, so you’re sure it’ll go the distance. Browse all of the top sex lubricants for anal sex here.
Foreplay is STILL a Must
If the butt doesn’t get wet, do you still need to do foreplay?
Yes!
Foreplay is just as important for anal as it is for other types of sex. Without foreplay, anal sex can be painful for both partners due to tense and contracting rectal muscles. Those muscles need to relax and loosen up before sex can happen.
Time for a little anal anatomy lesson:
You actually have two sphincters. One is external (commonly known as the butthole), and the other is located about 1-1.5 inches inside your rectum. You can control the outer sphincter, but the inner one has a mind of its own. If you don’t get all loosey-goosey before anal, your sphincter can tighten involuntarily when it feels something trying to enter. This can result in really painful sex for the bottom, and it can be pretty uncomfortable for the top too.
Luckily, there’s a fix. Marvin Gaye, a little massage oil, and foreplay is just the ticket to unlocking the back door and getting those muscles ready for action.
Using toys or fingers during foreplay is another way to prepare the butt for what’s to come. Try a finger condom or start with a small toy and work your way up to something the size of (or slightly larger than) the topping partner. We recommend anal beads or an anal trainer kit (it’s great for solo anal prep, too!).
Use a Condom
If you don’t want to get a disease, you should wear a condom for anal sex—this is especially true when having sex with casual partners.
Anal sex comes with a higher risk of STI transmission than other types of sex. That means it’s easier to catch an STI when doing anal. Not only that, but the topping partner can also get bacterial infections from feces if they’re not wearing a condom. (Note: vagina-having bottoms can also get a bacterial infection from fecal matter that crosses the gooch [i.e., perineum, or in Latin, taint] and enters the vulva. This is why it’s important to keep wipes on hand!)
Looking for a condom to use during anal sex that doesn’t get in the way of all those feels? Check out our selection of anal sex condoms.
Take it Slow
When you’re ready to repel down into the depths, you don’t want to find yourself in freefall. Take things slowly—very slowly—especially at the moment of entry.
Once the tip is in, take a moment to check on your partner and get the go-ahead to move further. Move a little deeper, and begin slow, rhythmic thrusts.
One in-out thrust motion should take no less than 5 full seconds—maybe longer. Alternatively, the top can stay still and let the bottom handle the motion.
Once you’re a pro, you can speed up. But slower anal sex tends to feel better. Nobody should be racing to the finish line.
If you’re a beginner's bottom, you may not be ready to let anything inside you. Simply stimulating the anal opening might be enough for this session. And that’s FINE. It could take numerous tries before you’re finally comfortable with a toy or a partner inside you. That’s just part of anal sex. If your body is telling you to stop, listen. It’ll get a little easier every time.
Don’t Switch Holes
This is a hygiene issue, and it bears repeating LOUDLY.
It doesn’t matter what you’ve seen in porn. It’s a very bad idea to pull out of the butt and enter the mouth, vagina, or another butt. This is true whether you are wearing a condom or not. Butts are full of harmful bacteria that do not belong in the mouth or vulva. This bacteria can make you very sick if it gets into the wrong hole.
If you want to switch up holes, use a condom and keep wipes on hand. Here’s what to do:
Top: When you pull out of the butt, remove the condom and wipe down your dick (especially the base and pubic area not covered by the condom). Put on a new condom. You’re now cleared for entry to any hole you’d like.
Bottom: Wipe down your genitals to remove any leakage that might have dripped into that area.
Aftercare and Cuddles
Aftercare refers to tending to the physical and emotional needs of each partner post-sex. Things can get dirty during anal, so washing up is the first item on the list. Clean those genitals, butts, and hands with lots of soap.
It’s also common to feel vulnerable or emotionally raw after anal sex, especially for beginners. Even the pleasurable moments can be a bit confusing. Be there for your partner and have a cuddle to comfort them. This is a good time to communicate about sex too. That’s how you get better at it!
The perfect anal sex aftercare is to hop in the shower together. It allows you to stay clean and be intimate after your trip to B-town.
Try a Toy
Not ready to try anal with a partner? How about a sex toy? There are hundreds of anal sex toys designed to stimulate different pleasure centers in and around the butt. They make it easy to explore various sensations on your own before letting someone else take the reigns. Toys also help you learn about your body, your muscle control, and your limits.
As we mentioned before, an anal trainer kit is a great start. It includes a few butt plugs in various sizes to help you go from small to larger in anticipation of anal sex. A more bulbous butt plug can help you train those sphincter muscles while getting you used to stretch the anal opening.
For penis-havers, an anal vibrator or prostate massager is a must for experiencing body-quaking prostate orgasms.
Take the Plunge into Anal Sex
Anal sex can seem pretty intimidating, especially after reading about all the safety stuff and prep work that needs to be done. But it’s not as difficult as it seems. And besides, learning is half the fun!
Foreplay, toys, slow and sensuous exploration—all of the pleasures that come with being an anal noob only happen once. It’s like being a virgin all over again. So, turn up the Marvin Gaye, grab an XL bottle of lube, and enjoy the ride.
Wanna learn more about anal sex? Check out our complete guide to anal sex here. It contains a buttload of helpful tips, recommended products, and anatomy info to shine a light on your parts where the sun doesn’t shine.